Despite attending an all girls school, most of my closest friends have always been boys. It’s not for lack of trying on my part that I’ve a dwindling number of female allies -segregated all girls education for 12 years, playing hockey on a girls team for a combined 10 years, joining an all female work out group and I now live in an apartment with three other girls. Don’t get me wrong, I am friends with girls, just my closest, best friends, the ones you go to in times of trouble, all happen to male. I’ve been called one of the lads, get invited on boys night out and even told “I don’t really count as a girl”. I’ve never felt overly feminine, but I do have my girly moments.
When I was 18 I wore a long sleeved skater dress with a plunging v neckline to a New Years Eve party with friends. I’d worn this dress before, on my graduation night out with all girls, and felt amazing in it and that New Years Eve party was no different. That was, until my male friends started to comment on how I was dressed.
“Never you had boobs”
and even ” I expected this of other girls, but not of you”.
These weren’t cat calls from strangers across the street, but direct comments from friends who I thought valued me beyond the superficial of what I was wearing. I felt so uncomfortable as my friends made eye contact with my chest, yet didn’t know why exactly I was so put out.
That was, until over 2 years later and a “compliment” from someone who barely reaches status of an acquaintance, told me he “never realised what big boobs I have”. This occurrence also took place over snapshot to add to the sleaziest of the situation.
I’ve suddenly realised that I may always be objectified, and will most likely have to fight to be valued for my mind and soul over my physical appearance. In school, naïve as I was, I thought the sexualisation of women was a thing of the past and something I would never have to deal with, particularly when I don’t even think that I am that well endowed. I don’t want to have to spend my life worrying if I’m dressed modestly enough to be taken seriously. What female friends I do have don’t share this worry, and even pass judgement on my attire if they think my dress is to short or not. I don’t want to fit into glass slippers but break the glass ceiling, and break it in my short dress with my tits flying free if need be.